web analytics

Posts Tagged ‘Greeneyed’

Last weekend on May 11th I celebrated my 9 year anniversary in the adult entertainment business as a cam performer, clip producer, worn panty provider, phone sex operator, educator, and the many other hats I wear happily.

It’s a amazing to have stuck around this long through the ups and downs, through the uncertainties, through full time college and graduation. It’s also amazing to have been supported by so many of you for so long, and I’m grateful for that. Some of you made me feel very special on my day and I appreciate that very much. Tributes and gifts are still welcome if you happened to miss the occasion (hint, hint).

A short time before my cammiversary, about a a couple of weeks I think, I learned of something that had happened. It was something that I was afraid had happened, and that I was trying to find out if had happened. I learned that my friend Green Eyed had passed away, and that it had happened almost two years ago in the Spring of 2017.

If you have been following me for some time you’d know that we were friends. You can see evidence of that on this very site. In fact as I’m writing this I’m noticing that I still have her banner up on my advertising page and it’ll be taken down by the time this is published, since that website is no more.

She was an amazing performer. She was an inspiration to many. She was legitimately mesmerizing to her many fans and followers, and her colleagues alike. She and I shared a lot of laughs and a lot of frustrations.

I remember when she quit her regular job to do adult work full time. I remember when she wanted to start on Streamate and she asked me for tips, Niteflirt too, and man did she take off. Top model on Streamate almost immediately it felt like. She had a gift. She was the self proclaimed “Money Magnet”!

She was an amazing booty shaker! She won countless contest on Shakinit. She was who inspired me to get into booty shaking and to have my own Shakinit site. I enjoyed being alongside her in contests, sometimes placing just behind her.

She had guts. She was not afraid to charge what she felt she deserved. She inspired me in that respect. She inspired me back when we were just taking off, she inspired me while I was wondering about her well being, and she continues to inspire me. She always will.

She was from my hometown, and she moved back here a few years back. We never got together. You know those justifications for not getting together with people? Those were definitely used. Then I basically took a break from camming for a couple of years. I wasn’t very in touch with what was going on with other girls. I had no idea in fact when it came to her. I knew that she had gone through a really tough time in Cali which brought her back here, that she said she wanted to stay away from adult work possibly, and then I saw her on Streamate and chatted with her briefly. I could tell that she wasn’t in a good place still.

Fast forward to late 2017. I was getting my legs back in clips and camming. I noticed that she wasn’t on Twitter anymore and that some of her stuff wasn’t up anymore. Her wishlist seemed to be gone, but her blog still up. her clips stores still up. Her Shakinit still up. I had no definite way to contact her. I thought maybe she had gotten more stable, decided to retire. Maybe she got another job somewhere here in town. I wondered if I’d bump into her. I wondered if we’d get together finally now that we were both in a good place. I wondered if I had spotted her at the store when I saw someone who looked like her.

Very recently here in late 2018, early 2019 I started to ask around to fellow performers if they knew what happened to her or knew what she was up to. No one did. And finally in April of this year I decided to try her email. I sent a message on April 11, exactly a month before my cammiversary that read this:

Subject: Are You Out There?


I wanted to send you a message on the off chance that you might still check this email. I hope you’re doing well I think about you often! I took a break from camming for a couple years and have gotten back to it and you always inspired me. I still draw on that. 

And I hope your new life is awesome. I hope you’re well. I know you had a very rough patch. Are you still in town?

Love you girl,


I didn’t really expect to hear back.

About a couple of weeks later Goddess Marley put out a string of tweets, one of which I saw because someone else happened to retweet it and say how sad it was, and how everyone should read it. I read “Goddess Green Eyed” in it, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

She wasn’t living her new great life. I wasn’t going to bump into her. We weren’t going to get together so I could tell her how funny I thought that my muscle content was doing so well and that it reminded me of her every time I did it.

She took her own life in early 2017. Her rough patch continued until it consumed her, and I had no idea.

Goddess Marley began to work to have some of her stores closed down and I’ve continued to carry that out. I’ve also reached out to her family to make sure that her business is all closed up in the proper way. I’m fortunate to have known her work very closely and to know how to get in touch with them to do so. I feel like it’s the very least I can do. I couldn’t fix things for her. I couldn’t be there for her the way she needed someone to be. I can at least do this for her, since she can’t.

She was beautiful, she was kind.

She’s now a true deity, a Goddess.

Worship her as the amazing being that she is, or respect her as the mortal human. The woman that wasn’t immune to the same problems that we all have. The same breakdowns in communication. The same misunderstandings. The same insurmountable obstacles to happiness and stability and peace. The daughter.

She was my closest camgirl friend. She might always be, but maybe not. Either way I’m thankful for her, and I’m thankful for you all.

Thank you for supporting me, and if you supported her, thank you for that as well.